title: Venus girls and the men from Mars author: kimera archive: http://www.kimerascall.lima-city.de/ contact: kimerascall@gmx.de fan fiction series: Rurouni Kenshin by Nobuhiro Watsuki SaiSa special challenge "Cross- Dressing" PG: 12 category: comedy written: 07.09.2003 disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki, the challenge was originated by the Queen Yokozuna. Special Warning: Ahumm... no native, so tons of misspellings, mistakes, reckless attack at the English language... V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M V~><~M Venus girls and the men from Mars A decade ago he had sworn to stand his ground, no matter what, to attack first, to fight with all his might, no regrets, ready to face death at any rate. Nobody damn told him that death could wear a silky yukata and scream like a banshee with toothache! V~><~M He did not need waiting to hear the news. The underlings buzzing around, the grim-looking officers... with a sigh he got up. The painter loved his brother dearly but sometimes he just wished Sano's messing-about would come to an end, maybe by growing up? Now what to do? Ah! Snatching his few belongings he mingled with the shadows, to cross the huge dining-hall, blocking the way of a strikingly beautiful young woman, judging by her pretty kimono presumably a prostitute. The few geishas could not provide all the entertainment their host wished to offer, so he relied on professional assistance. Ladies of 'negotiable affection' who would never turn down an indecent proposal in accordance with a nice bribe. "May I humbly ask for your help, dear lady?" Katsuhiro Tsukioka advanced determinedly. V~><~M »So this is the creme de la creme de Japon.« The tall, haggard-looking officer in his ceremonious attire glared at the men gathered to chitchat, drink and feast. Breaktime of the heavy duty to ruin his home country. He did not loathe the foreigners because of their mere existence, for this would have been inconsiderate and shortsighted, but he disliked their arrogance, assuming the separation from the world centuries in the past would render them an easy prey. How imprudent! This was HIS shore. Refusing the cigarettes burning his pocket his amber eyes spread sulfurous sparks, to remind his comrades to stay alert. »Tsk. This is boring to the utmost. If I could only detect an inspiring conspiracy, an infernal plot, anything else than standing guard like a sheepdog, barking, not biting.« The situation reminded him of stories he had come to know about some idiot called Dragon down in Hongkong, eager to protect foolish British twerps in their huge mansions. The wolf snarled disapprovingly. Some little, over-nourished moron crept to his side, in his western-style attire resembling a barrel, sweating and coughing. "Officer Fujita, something terrible has happened!" The infamous wolf of Mibu glared. "My beautiful, innocent daughter was molested in hideous manner! The assailant must be still within my manor! I want you to search the place and hunt him down! He has to die!" Hajime Saitou, former captain of the third division of the Shinsengumi, bared his shining fangs. »Who are you to dare ordering me about?« "What does he look like?" He gnashed, keeping his composed state, desperately yearning for a cigarette and a perfect reason to stamp this impudent nag to the ground. A blank look came to the narrow dark eyes. It took several instants to produce the answer to the simple question, forcing beads of sweat to cover the bald forehead, chewing of the lower lip, scratching of the fleshy neck.... then a triumphant smile beamed up. "My daughter defended her honor by striking the murderer with her comb, so he must be injured by the teeth!" Patiently waiting Saitou inspected the host, maybe.... No. "Where did your daughter hit the suspected person?" He finally gave in, not caring for the protocol anymore, lighting his desired cigarette. Lots of sheep and he felt his fangs growing, his claws yearning to sink into soft, pink, sweaty flesh. »Down.« He commanded the beast within. "Oh...I don't know! What does it matter?! Search for him, get him, kill him!" Off the little twerp stomped. Saitou smiled his wicked, evil-foreboding grin. »I will remember you, fool. You're guilty of something and it will be my pleasure to cut you down to your real size. Maybe below your fat, ugly head.« V~><~M He smiled, his long eyelashes whirling a salute, enticing to surrender to the hazelnut-eyed beauty beyond. »A painter! Maybe I should get a portrait?« With a teasing smirk he hid his delicate yet strong hands in the sleeves, feigning a timid reaction to the strange proposal. "So you want me to help find your brother and hide him till the hunt is over?" Kamatari Honjou, former member of Makoto Shishio's Juppongatana, chirped giggling, challenging the pitch-black eyes of the painter, winking expectantly. "So, what's in it for me?" His voice smoothing like velvet, his sweet-scented breath caressing the navy locks, framing the expressionless face. Within a blink a kiss made its welcome at his lips while an experienced hand traveled his crotch and the painter leaned close, shading the candle-light to a mere dim. "My brush stands to attention." Katsuhiro suggested in a serious tone. With a swift grip Kamatari caught the bold hand by its wrist, probing his strength to make a point. Narrowing his glorious hazelnut gaze he whispered lowly. "My brush, too, Mr. painter." A rare smile embellished the plain features. "I don't mind sheathing your brush, Mr. under-cover officer." The painter replied in an amused manner. Without further consideration the deal was made since this offer was too luring to let it pass by. "I take care of your brother and you'll take care of my item of art for one night." "If you can get him out of here unharmed and undetected, I'm willing to throw in a week with my absolute attention to only your desires." Dipping his tongue into the parted lips Kamatari sealed the contract. »Damn, he loved working undercover! Under his cover would be devastatingly trying. Besides, he could do with some days off.« V~><~M Katsu watched the gorgeous looking crossdresser trail off, prancing and smiling along in a proud, mocking manner. He would get Sano out of here, he assured himself. Just some little frisking of the host's papers but his rash, all too eager brother ended up in the women's wing of the manor. With a sigh Katsuhiro snatched a jug of sake and drowned it. That big puppy-eyed-glance, it never ceased to make its impression. »I should have known better than take Sano to a big house like this.« His virile brother was famous for getting lost at the oddest places. Anyways, a short delay in the publishing of a new gazette could not do much harm and he felt attracted to that stunning beauty. Maybe they could team-up in more than one way. V~><~M Sometimes he felt plagued. Right now for example, having to endure Chou's whining that once again Kamatari had disappeared from his sight, presumably getting closer to some smelly, slimy informant. "Stop acting like the lovesick fool you are and get a search-party together. Every male person will get frisked thoroughly of any indication of a wound caused by a comb, understood?" Sulkily Chou nodded and left with sagging shoulders, even the horrible blonde broom seemed to sink. Dragging at his cigarette the evil enforcer of his law rested his slender limbs and relaxed. Maybe this night would be fun after all. V~><~M Rubbing his bare chest and hissing at the ivory comb, tightly sticking to the flesh, he desperately looked for any exit to get out of this damn maze! This house was so fucking confusing! »Katsu will kill me.« His chocolate-colored eyes darkened to serious sorrow. Every time he tried to help his elder brother with inquiries to reveal the true nature of the Meiji government, he ended up messing it. »But I am not just a simple brute with two mighty fists!!« >No, now you're fleeing from a teenage girl armed with a comb, a soprano to shriek the gods off and a serious tendency to nymphomania!< With a sigh of utter agony at his decline, he turned a corner, to bump right into another young woman. Another Furie to make his life miserable? For once she clung to the hem of his borrowed kimono, baring his chest which could be considered as a serious hint to her intentions. "I can explain..." He tried to free himself, in vain, as she scolded in a low, velvety voice. "Hideous! Did nobody bother to tell you that you're absolutely not the ivory-type?! You can't wear ivory with that kimono-pattern, neither! Off with it!" Said and done, in a rush, she tore the forsaken comb out, pressing a cloth to soak the blood from the wound. "Ah, thanks?" Sanosuke hazarded impishly. "Now, precious, did you give her a bad ride, hmm?" His savior pushed him into a small room, revealing some strength Sano would not have expected from a girl. Neither the voice. "You did not answer my question, cutie!" Another scolding frown traveled the beautiful face of a ... woman?! "I think I'm going to slosh myself completely tonight." This was getting more confusing every passing second. "I take it you did not molest her?" The strange girl kept fumbling about his clothes, trying to undress him. "No way!! She assaulted me! Hey, stop that, willya?!" Sano grabbed her wrists. Another frown and a genuine grin. "Listen, Sano, your brother asked me to take care of you and so I will do. You know the police is frisking everyone, looking for the assailant? He will be punished thoroughly, by the wolf of Mibu." Sanosuke groaned. "I will fight my way outta here!" He determinedly announced. He could not come up with an explanation why he had entered the manor, nobody would take his word, facing the high and mighty old man of that Furie... A kiss lingered at his lips to catch his attention. "I will start screaming if you don't act like I tell you." The girl smiled at him innocently. Once again Sanosuke Sagara damned his inability to hit girls in general and in this fucking house in special! V~><~M »He is tall but slender... and those spiky locks....« But Kamatari never turned down a challenge! He chose a yukata with a pattern that matched the purpose, attached the obi and helped himself with vinegar to smooth the filthy mob of dark-brown hair. The slightly stinging odor disappeared fast as it was supposed. After this it was no trouble to comb the silky locks to stay in respectable order, waiting for the huge wig to tower the sulking youngster. With the prostitutes hired by a well-reputed brothel there was a load of kimonos and accessories providing the staff close to the women's wing, according to the rules of decency. Luckily all the girls were busy right now, collecting their share, so nobody would disturb his little acquisition. And Sano would be worth his price! Those big, soulful, chocolate-colored eyes, the perfectly tanned skin, the delightful curve of his adorable lips, the heart-shaped form of his face! Just some make-up... It seemed rather cruel to hide the natural virile beauty of his companion beneath a thick layer of white emulsion, the strained pout covered with crimson color. "You look awesome, Sano!" Clasping his delicate hands in amazement, Kamatari beamed a proud smile. If he would team-up with Sanosuke, they could turn every male being to a drooling heap of lusting idiocy. "I don't want to be a girl." Sanosuke muttered downcast. "Girls are evil creatures who enjoy torturing me." "Yeah, they are sneaky, clever, luring, taking advantage.... they have all the fun!" Kamatari patted the attractive back of his 'sister-in-crime. "But, know what, Sano? Now we're getting our share!" Prancing to hit the unsuspecting crowd Kamatari ushered Sanosuke to follow him. »Here we go, the Venus girls, ready to meet the men of Mars!« V~><~M Katsuhiro gaped open-mouthed. He knew those chocolate-colored eyes but they did not belong to a tall prostitute with a giant wig! Passing the search-party without difficulties Kamatari dragged his brother to a table where the geisha had secretly asked for assistance. Sanosuke kept his gaze to the ground, his strong hands hidden in the sleeves, not talking at all. »I might get over casually and make a proposal, so he can walk out with me.« "Will you get me a portrait now?!" A fat hand tugged the kimono at his shoulder. With a low grunt of impatience Katsuhiro gave in, no need to piss anyone off at this state of events. V~><~M Sanosuke stared at his sleeves, sometimes passing the sake-jug without getting a share. »No talking, no drinking, no eating, no fidgeting, no breathing...« Well, the last one resulted merely of the damn obi. He felt trapped and caged, even the cloth seemed to suffocate his whole body. Being a woman was no fun at all!! Pudgy hands covered him, smelly breath stroke his nape, stupid jokes nagged at his already worn-out nerves. How the fuck did any woman on this planet stand it?! If he could act like he felt right now, he would have smashed some ugly dickheads and shouted insults till his throat went raw, just to release his frustration. But alas... "You're not enjoying our company, precious?" Once again his drunken neighbor felt enticed to pinch his back. »I rather spar with that evil bastard of Mibu...« "My sister's just shy." Kamatari pressed his hand encouragingly, winking in mischief, as the host proudly introduced his daughter to his guests. Leaning closer the crossdresser whispered chuckling. "Alright, Sano-chan, just watch me!" Kamatari got to his feet, asked the musicians, two geishas, to assist while he climbed the western-style table, dancing in a slow, seducing manner, singing a very famous song with slightly indecent content. Baring his ankles with a mocking smirk he made his way to the host, presenting his skills by whirling a huge fan about, winking at the host who seemed close to an heart-attack. Kamatari's velvety tantalizing voice caressed the audience, embedded his passionate performance till he halted, facing Sanosuke, inviting the blinking fist-fighter in a pas de deux. Limited by the thick cloth of his kimono the former Sekihoutai could not act brashly but he had observed Kamatari's dance and adapted its slow pace, the graceful gestures for his own advance towards the head of the table. As Kamatari once again flirted with the blushing and choking host Sanosuke focused on the small, dull-looking man to the right, presumably a dear friend of their host, and just maybe, a candidate for the son-in-law.... A dark spark of mischief glittered in chocolate-colored pools of joy. »So, if I look like a girl, I can act like one and win that twerp over! That's for striking me with a comb, you bitch!!« V~><~M »My oh my...« Two fat pigs were dancing on the table, swinging with two young women in showing kimonos. Absentmindedly Saitou closed the gaping jaw of Chou with a thud. He sensed the raging hatred of the 'poor, innocent' victim of the murderous assault, a fox with rabies about to break loose. The wolf of Mibu smiled his evil, wicked grin. He just loved watching cat-fights. V~><~M With a shrieking scream of attack the 'well-educated and timid' daughter stormed the table, ready to tear Sanosuke's kimono apart, not minding to include hair and flesh the same. Sanosuke, still in his performance, reacted in an impulse like every trained fighter. Knockout, first round. V~><~M "Uoh...nice strike." Kamatari grinned, not to the least taken aback, this party would definitely be remembered, and he liked some action before hitting the futon. Or some handsome guy with gentle manners. Sanosuke gasped, staring at his opponent flat on the ground, covered with some leftovers from the diner as the table had been turned. Girls beating girls, no prob, but he was a man... "GET MY WHIP!" The host yelled at the top of his lungs. »Oh oh.... high time we went!« Facing eager policemen with sticks and swords, cornered by some henchmen with guns, Sanosuke reconsidered his options. "I will take care of this insolent woman." A somber, cold voice ordered with a wicked grin as the wolf of Mibu grabbed Sanosuke's waist, adjusting the staggering fist-fighter. "But..." Kamatari boldly tried to argue with his superior. He had promised Katsuhiro to protect the his brother and Saitou was not rumored to be a safe and sound place, even at the circumstances. "Splendid, officer! Now stand aside, that evil bitch will taste my whip!" The jolly fat man whirled around as the wolf of Mibu simply snatched the device of punishment and tossed it into a huge Chinese vase. "She will get to know MY whip." Saitou announced growling, sizing his opponent with a lethal stare of sulfurous amber. "How..?!" A shorthand to his fleshy cheek, and silence fell. "Don't mess with my duty, impudent fool." Following Saitou Kamatari whispered. "Sir, please, it was my idea to mock her." With a low, threatening growl, the wolf left the dining hall. "Somebody better remember my orders and watch the free press, before I get the impression that things will become evil." Kamatari gulped and resigned. "He's just being tricked by that girl." He mumbled nonetheless. "I figured that already." Saitou grinned. The foolish rooster would never ever force himself on any girl. »That's what you get when you stick to the girlish battousai! Ending up being bossed around by little weasel and raccoon girls.« V~><~M Dragging the struggling roosterheaded fighter along Saitou opted for a secluded area in the women's wing, a very secure place if you had to stick to the rules of decency which he definitely did not need to. Shoving the stumbling Sanosuke to an alcove he glared at the young man. "What a pretty chick you are, Sanosuke Sagara. Did you get what you were looking for?" "Hey, I just happened to pass by, I did not do anything!! That girl's raving mad!! She attacked me first!" To prove his point he bared his chest with the comb's mark, accidentally tearing the obi apart. "Ooops..." Another impish grin as he remembered something profound. "No underwear. You're being serious about your new occupation." The wolf snickered maliciously. "What the fuck are you talking about?!" Blushing to his utter shame Sanosuke nearly disappeared beneath the cloth, hugging himself fiercely. "By the way, how did you know it was me?!" He snuggled into a corner, to keep the utmost distance to the older man advancing him with a sly, fangbaring grin. "Even within that bunch of idiots I can detect the perfect ahou you are." Saitou smirked with tender mocking, lifting the heavy wig to reveal the smooth locks of dark-brown hair beneath. Kamisama, where are his famous, unruly roosterspikes?! Shrinking suspiciously to render few areas of attack Sanosuke followed the admiring caress of his strands, the only reminder of his usual attire. "You're not... like... molesting.. me... or something?" He whispered confused. The evil enforcer of his law chuckled in low, somber timbre, mocking his companion. "You're not only a chickenhead, you're a chickenheart, too." Tilting Sanosuke's pointy chin to meet his amber glance. "Kamatari dared to oppose me to help you out, like your notorious brother waiting for you, even if he could be arrested any time soon. What's your secret, little, foolish rooster, hmm?" He mused, studying the big weary eyes. Clenching his mighty fists Sanosuke wanted to strike but he could not find the vigor he used to nourish his anger with. This man was evil, mean, cold, cruel, tormenting but there was no danger radiating. Strange.... creepy.... "You'd like to smash me but you can't, isn't it? Because you yearn to be touched, tasted, taken..." The low growl haunted his mind. A shrill shriek later Sanosuke broke free, shivering, blinking in terror and utter fury. "How the fuck dare you, bastard?! Does hitting on a guy go with your fucking honorable code of samurai?!" "It would not be appropriate for you to 'hit on me' right now but I don't mind a change, once in a while." Saitou smiled maliciously, licking his fangs, getting lost of his bright-white gloves. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Sanosuke nearly tripped, still caught tightly in the kimono. With a lusting grin Saitou retorted. "Your choice of words is really appealing, rooster. Now, you being dressed as a prostitute, I will act as a customer and render to your skilled services." He chuckled. Sanosuke changed colors like a chameleon, causing the wolf to howl admiringly. "Does this mean you're getting dressed up next time?" Sanosuke stupefied blurted out. The wolf drew closer, his amber eyes gleaming menacingly. "I rather be un-dressed in your presence, but yes, next time, it could be your turn." He could easily read the confusion in Sanosuke's amiable face. »Ah, how very refreshing!« Swiftly he caught the frail waist tenderly, smuggled his calloused right hand beneath the cloth to bid his welcome to Sanosuke's crotch while he ravenously kissed the blushing fist-fighter. He did not bother to stop till Sanosuke groaned in ecstasy in his mouth, sinking in his arms. "Now you're going to kill me, 'cause I spilled..." Sano trailed off, sighing. Saitou grinned, grabbing the enticing rear of his prey hard. "It may be called the little death, Sano, but we did not start yet." He whispered in a sultry timbre, dragging the youngster with him. V~><~M "I can't believe it!" The little fat man fumed, blocking the way Saitou planned to leave with his clinging prey, for Sanosuke hung at his arm like a drunkard, still in bliss due to a kissing-session which had taken the most part of the vain search Saitou had ordered. "The comb was detected on a roof, so the assailant must have fled." Saitou answered coldly, shoving the obstacle out of his way of raging lust. "Now proceed with your party before I feel inclined to show your intestines to your honorable guests." "And that girl?!" Infuriated and blind to the danger the host shrieked again. "She's a witness, so she will accompany me. Now stand aside." Saitou growled in low feral tones to make everyone's hair stand to alert. With a polite teasing bow he left, Sanosuke at his side. Dressing the rooster up to court him in open daylight seemed a very...interesting concept... V~><~M Kamatari slumped to the ground, disappointed. There he went, the amazing youngster ready to learn about Saitou's hunger for someone who could stand his ground. Or futon. »And I will have to accept my loss. No lecture of art this time. How am I supposed to watch the free press, to cover Katsu up?! Damn wolf! Why do the big bad guys get all the fun?! I'm striking beautiful, drop dead gorgeous, ready to hit the score several times in a row...« "So he's supposed to be safe and sound with the evil enforcer? The former third captain of the Shinsengumi, Hajime Saitou? The famous wolf of Mibu?" Katsu advanced whispering, his pitch-black gaze clad in mystery. With a sigh Kamatari massaged his temples, smiling forlornly. "Well, he's at least out of here, not into custody." "What's Saitou up to?" The painter glared, freezing the hazelnut-colored eyes. "I guess..." Kamatari winked tiredly. "He's teaching Sano some sword-lessons." Resting next to him Katsu chuckled. "He might be surprised." The painter smiled. "Sano's stamina is as big as his stubbornness." Taking one of Kamatari's delicate hands he smiled. "Now, Mr. under-cover agent, do you have any plans for tonight?" V~><~M Chou sulked, sitting on a roof of the district office. He had not seen Kamatari since their last observation at the party. The pretty cross-dresser had not shown up at his pension, no note, nothing whatsoever, and, to top this, the boss did not bother, Saitou just growled something about holidays and some boys who had all the luck. Besides, the wolf disappeared every noon to teatime and he was constantly baring his fangs. Supposedly a smile? This was utterly creepy.... »Why did everyone be so secretive? Why could not he team-up with Kamatari? Why did Saitou wear high-collar-shirts in the midst of summer?« The blonde broomheaded agent sighed. He would never understand the Venus girls and the men from Mars. V~><~M The end V~><~M Thanks for enduring! kimera Notes of production Once again another strike, a contribution to the SaiSa Sizzle and Burn-challenge, the cross-dressing section, just because there was a line in a song that kept on nagging me ^-^°